hello erin »

f you cancer.

I can’t believe I’m writing this.

You know when your life takes a turn and it’s so far beyond how you pictured 2017 would look like?

Well that’s just about how I’ve been feeling lately. Confused. Swearing a lot. And preparing for the battle of my life (literally!).

A few weeks ago I went into the doctor with some chest pain, a low grade fever, and some night sweats. I was one thousand percent sure the doctor would turn me away with a “cold” (’tis the season!). But instead after a chest CT with contrast while looking for a pulmonary embolism they found a mass.

Spoiler alert. Masses aren’t good.

I’ll spare you all the dirty details- but after a few biopsies (a needle guided biopsy and a mediasteinoscopy) our suspicions are confirmed.

B-cell lymphoma.

The good news! It hasn’t spread past the mass in my chest! It has a really high cure rate!

The bad news? I’m facing aggressive chemo (5 days on- 3 weeks off for six rounds). And we all know I have no hope in hell of keeping my luscious locks.

The best news? I have the biggest and best support system ever. My family & my friends. people have been so absolutely amazing and I’m grateful to have the best and brightest support system around. They’ve been there through all my rounds of emotional ups and downs. They’ve sent cupcakes, the prettiest family photo album, inspiring bracelets, meals, and the most gorgeous flowers (with cursing on the cards). And a poop emoji pillow with a card saying “sorry things are shitty”.

We’ve been slowly talking to the girls through it all. Just telling them simple facts and letting them (lex) ask the questions. When I told her the medicine would make my hair fall out I was greeted with the biggest belly laughs and a “MOMMY! You’ll look like a boy!”. For now we’re trying to keep things are normal as possible before their life is filled with lots and lots more grandma time.

Now. That being said. I have the utmost confidence I WILL beat this. Period. The end. It might be a rough six months. But soon it’ll be in the rear view mirror!

And so while everyone is makeinf their New Years resolutions I already have mine. FIGHT LIKE HELL. Because as moms isn’t that what we do?

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  • December 27, 2016 - 9:44 am

    B - You will beat this … bc you are right that is what moms do … I am so sorry 2017 is going to start as a bust, but it will end with a cancer free mommy! hugs to you and your sweet family.

  • December 27, 2016 - 10:14 am

    Tosha - I have followed your blog for such a long time now that I feel like I know you. 🙂 My heart breaks for you that you have to go through such an ordeal but you’re right; you will beat this. Here’s a huge middle finger to cancer! Hugs!!

  • December 27, 2016 - 10:23 am

    Sara - I love you.
    That is all.

  • December 27, 2016 - 10:45 am

    Lacey Bean - F you cancer is right! You got this girl! It’s great you have such an amazing support system and the blogging support system is here for you too! <3

  • December 27, 2016 - 10:55 am

    Meghan - I am beyond sorry that you have to start the year worrying about something as shitty as cancer. But I have faith in you that you will beat this! And I have a feeling you will rock a bald head if it comes to that! We are all here for you!

  • December 27, 2016 - 11:03 am

    Heidi Hunter - What a way to start 2017 but YES you WILL/CAN fight this. Are hearts are with you and are ALWAYS here for you.

  • December 27, 2016 - 11:16 am

    Colleen Sullivan - You’re AMAZING and amazingly strong and brave Erin. I adore you and I believe in you — you’re going to show that mass who’s BOSS. xoxxo

  • December 27, 2016 - 11:19 am

    Cathy Naidoo - Love you Erin.

  • December 27, 2016 - 11:25 am

    Colleen - Thinking of you!

  • December 27, 2016 - 11:49 am

    Laura - Love you so much Erin! You will beat this and due to a shitty 2017 it will give you many more not so shitty years. Silver lining right?! xoxo

  • December 27, 2016 - 12:12 pm

    Stef and Brett - You all are in our thoughts, prayers and we’re sending you all of our positive energy. You are an inspiration and know you will fight this battle with all you have and win! xxoo

  • December 27, 2016 - 12:24 pm

    Courtney Spena - Love you so, Erin! You were there for me during my worst, I hope I can do the same for you and your family. Though I’m kind of bummed someone already nabbed the poop emoji pillow :p that was perfect!

  • December 27, 2016 - 12:35 pm

    Chrissy - I will thinking of you and sending prayers and positive vibes your way!

  • December 27, 2016 - 1:14 pm

    alyica - ERIN! I am so sorry you are going through this, but you are a strong woman, and I know you will kick this is in the ass. Lots of positive vibes being sent your way.

  • December 27, 2016 - 1:37 pm

    Laura - Well, Shit. I think this is my first comment (and sorry not a more fun one!) on your blog, but just wanted to take a minute to say that I think you are awesome, and have no doubt you will show cancer who is boss b!%*$. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this, but SO glad you caught it soon. Sending prayers and positive vibes from Atlanta! Cancer can suck it.

  • December 27, 2016 - 1:39 pm

    Ericka - Sending all the love and prayers your way! You are tough and you will get through this!

  • December 27, 2016 - 6:04 pm

    SJL - Sending prayers to you and your family.

  • December 27, 2016 - 6:40 pm

    Liz - You fight like hell and we will all be praying for you and thinking of you!

  • December 27, 2016 - 6:48 pm

    Heather Hughes - Hey mama! I have read your blog for a while and wanted to post to you. I am so sorry to hear this and know you can beat this. October 2015 I was diagnosed with T Cell ALL (Leukemia) with a 16 month and 4 month old. I did 32 days in the hospital for chemo and then continued for a year of 4-5 days a week with IV chemo and I am still doing chemo once a month and take chemo pills daily (for maintenance therapy – I am on a pediatric intensive protocol because I am only in my 20’s). BUT, I am in remission. So I know you can fight like hell and beat this. You and your family are in my prayers and I know you can do this. Stay positive and have faith in God. If you need someone to talk to please reach out to me! <3

  • December 28, 2016 - 3:30 am

    Jessica - You’ve got this sweet momma!! I know you will fight and kick cancers ass! Lex’s reaction about your hair is pretty cute. I’ll be sending you positive thoughts from afar.

  • December 28, 2016 - 7:39 am

    Liz - YOU GOT THIS GIRLFRIEND!!!! You are going to kick cancer’s a$$ and take names. I KNOW you will. And six months? Six months is NOTHING when you think of the hundreds and hundreds and HUNDREDS of months you get to spend with those sweet girls and that amazing husband of yours.
    Oh and sweet, sweet Lex. You know she will always be there to put a smile on your face, just when you need it the most.
    Love you so much!

  • December 28, 2016 - 9:12 am

    eliana - Hi Erin, been a long time reader and I love your blog & sense of humor. It breaks my heart to know others are going through this, as my family has been hit with cancer this year too. Not gonna lie, it’s a hard process, a roller coaster of emotional ups & downs, but you have such a good attitude and let me tell you that makes a HUGE difference. It will not only help YOU fight, but it will also help your family. It is so hard to see a loved one go through this, in my case it’s my mother, but seeing her be positive and cheerful through it helps me keep my emotions in check too. Thank you for sharing your story, sending you lots of love. You got this!

  • December 28, 2016 - 1:21 pm

    Jordan - You are a badass rockstar and this C-word has got NOTHIN on you!!! You just watch, 2017 is totally going to surprise you when you kick this B & celebrate the crap out of life.

  • December 28, 2016 - 2:52 pm

    Laureen Deveau - Oh, Erin. I haven’t been able to get you off my mind. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. You’ve made the most perfect resolution, and you’ve got two of the cutest reasons to do so. I wish I could do something to help you fight, but for now sending prayers your way is what I’ll do. Add another one to your corner, sending love and support to you!!

  • December 29, 2016 - 11:28 am

    Crystal - You’ve got this pretty lady! You’re going to kick cancer’s ass and I have no doubts about it. Praying you through this!

  • December 29, 2016 - 11:59 am

    Carolee - I’ve read your blog for a while & never expected to find a post like this. Cancer sucks & I’m so sorry you have to experience it first hand. Much love being sent from Indy!

  • January 1, 2017 - 6:45 pm

    2017 – Live with Deliberate Intention » my journey of doing - […] say more about 2016 later, but it ended on a low note for me.  One of my best friends was diagnosed with lymphoma and will start treatment early this year.  I’ve spent weeks pondering how I could best help […]

  • January 1, 2017 - 7:28 pm

    Caz Wilson - I’m so sorry you are going through this and thank you for sharing. I’ve followed your blog for years and feel like we’re friends. You will beat this, sending love and positive healing your way during this difficult time.

  • January 4, 2017 - 3:37 pm

    Desiree - I love you friend, and I’m so incredibly sorry you are going through this. That said, you are the toughest, most bad-a lady I know (and I mean that in the absolute best way possible), and I know you are going to kick this cancer’s butt. You know where to find me, I’m here to help at any time, in any way. xo

  • January 28, 2017 - 8:37 pm

    Donna Parfitt - Wow Erin. I think of you as still a teenager so how can this be?! Prayers go out to you and your little family. I know you will beat this. My mom had the same diagnosis at age 78 and totally recovered, so you will too.

  • February 9, 2017 - 1:17 pm

    Lauren - I am so so sorry that I am so behind on my blog reading that I just found out about this! I feel trrrkble! You will beat this! Warrior woman!

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