I can’t believe I’m writing this.
You know when your life takes a turn and it’s so far beyond how you pictured 2017 would look like?
Well that’s just about how I’ve been feeling lately. Confused. Swearing a lot. And preparing for the battle of my life (literally!).
A few weeks ago I went into the doctor with some chest pain, a low grade fever, and some night sweats. I was one thousand percent sure the doctor would turn me away with a “cold” (’tis the season!). But instead after a chest CT with contrast while looking for a pulmonary embolism they found a mass.
Spoiler alert. Masses aren’t good.
I’ll spare you all the dirty details- but after a few biopsies (a needle guided biopsy and a mediasteinoscopy) our suspicions are confirmed.
The good news! It hasn’t spread past the mass in my chest! It has a really high cure rate!
The bad news? I’m facing aggressive chemo (5 days on- 3 weeks off for six rounds). And we all know I have no hope in hell of keeping my luscious locks.
The best news? I have the biggest and best support system ever. My family & my friends. people have been so absolutely amazing and I’m grateful to have the best and brightest support system around. They’ve been there through all my rounds of emotional ups and downs. They’ve sent cupcakes, the prettiest family photo album, inspiring bracelets, meals, and the most gorgeous flowers (with cursing on the cards). And a poop emoji pillow with a card saying “sorry things are shitty”.
We’ve been slowly talking to the girls through it all. Just telling them simple facts and letting them (lex) ask the questions. When I told her the medicine would make my hair fall out I was greeted with the biggest belly laughs and a “MOMMY! You’ll look like a boy!”. For now we’re trying to keep things are normal as possible before their life is filled with lots and lots more grandma time.
Now. That being said. I have the utmost confidence I WILL beat this. Period. The end. It might be a rough six months. But soon it’ll be in the rear view mirror!
And so while everyone is makeinf their New Years resolutions I already have mine. FIGHT LIKE HELL. Because as moms isn’t that what we do?